Hello, I am basically a gal who loves God, her family and of course her dear dear Clark. Hmm not to forget my friends too! Currently in the process of finding out what she really wants to do for her life and prays that everyday is a good day with all her loved ones. :)

Extracts I got from someone's blog.
Some stuff that touched me when I read her blog.
Her blog both scares me and touched me.


1) Toby woke up in the middle of the night one night last week, and he asked me to go lie down with him in his bed for a while so I did. I loved lying there, the two of us facing each other, his arm tightly clinging to my neck, with me smelling his smell and feeling his breath on my face.

Several times, I thought he'd drifted back to sleep so I started to get up, but then he'd say, "I'm scared" or "Just one more minute, Mommy?" So I stayed and cuddled and kissed him some more. After about half an hour of this, he said it was okay for me to go and released his arm from my neck. He had just needed me to be there for him until he felt safe and comfortable again

~ My own personal reflection
: I remembered as a child (and guiltily even now) I would complain to my mom that i have stomach pain. She would then take out the medicated oil and rub my stomach and joked with me in the bed. Many a times the pain was exaggerated because I really enjoy her touch, just being with me at the bed. She's like one of the person I love most in this world. Like the little boy, I just needed her to be there for me until I felt safe and comfortable again. Sometimes the insecurity in me can be irrational. She would say that I am crazy but still look into the area where i complain pain in and check through everything thoroughly.

2) I think different people demonstrate and need demonstrations of love in different ways. For some people, it's the things you buy them, or the time you spend with them, or the things you do for them, or the things you say to them. For me, it's the silly little things that might go unnoticed. Things that I do notice, because I love him back.

How do you show your love? And how do you like your loved ones to show their love to you?

~ My personal reflection
: I think it's easy to feel that your loved ones don't love you just because they are not always behaving the way you want them to. It takes a sense of gratitude to appreciate them for expressing their love for you in their love language. For example, your husband might express his love you through gifts and acts of service while your primary love language is words of affirmation. He might not be a talker and that could probably frustrates you much. But I think if you look at the gifts and service, you could see his love for you inside them.

The 2 paragraphs above were extracted from Shin's blog. The personal reflection part and the below paragraph were from me though.

I always thought that I am a person who can talk eloquently and talk through many things. But in the recent years, I realized I have a big problem in expressing myself and my feelings well. I usually think a lot through my mind and not a single word could be uttered out.

It's been the same through this incident. I didn't know how to express it out and ever since I read Joyce Meyer's book I have been reluctant to throw any of my negative feelings to my friends, loved ones and even my project mates. Because nobody deserve to feel how I feel. And that turn out to be my biggest challenge.
Because now I have some emotions in my heart that I didn't really know how to make it better. I prayed but I know that these emotions are natural and unavoidable. As in I dun think it will be possible for me to feel like super happy.

How do you ever cope with the sense that you are losing against time? Pst always joke in the svc that we are not just fighting against principality and power but also the clock. Papa is not too well with his stomach bloating and he's sleeping like more than half the day each time. He's not even joking about money with me now.
In this meantime, I dun know how to make my heart feel better. And in the midst I am trying to meet up with all the datelines coming from school.

Sometimes I think ignorance is a form of bliss. What you dun know can't kill you.
I think I know most in the family and I have always been proud of that to be able to help my parents in things related to knowledge. But now I wish I dun know That much. because I know what the signs could possibly mean scientifically. My mum dun and i think that makes her more hopeful and happy. Brother knows a bit tad more but I think he's still managing it better than me.

I m sorry for such a heavy topic on the world wide web. I just wanna arrange my messy thoughts so that I could deal with my feelings a bit tad better.

I think this is probably the only answer to my situation now.

3) Here are snippets of a conversation I had today with Josie while the two of us were drawing pink castles.

Josie asked, "What if they give you love medicine? Will that make your cancer go away?"
"What's 'love medicine'?"
"You know! Love!"

There was a bit of Q&A with her about why my doctors can't make my cancer go away like other people we know with cancer who have been cured. At the end of our little chat, I asked, "So, do you think there's anything we can do about this cancer?"

She paused for a second, then said with certainty in her voice, "Love. We can love."